Carbon-based life-forms bring you nothing but heartache. One man’s interstellar suicide is another man’s fukkin pilgrimage…
A thin atmosphere with 96% Carbon Dioxide and only .2% Oxygen means you’re high from the moment you wake up until the moment you go to sleep. Or until your lungs combust.
Without an Ozone to filter UV radiation, you can maintain that stellar tan 24/7. Until your skin turns to E.T. jerky.
No liquid water means energy drinks for breakfast, lunch & dinner.
The trained astronauts are busy.
You’d bring a lot more to a brand new society than you do to The Food Court (in which you currently work).
Happy Hour with ALF.
One on One with Marvin.
The “I Want To Be One Of The First To Bang The Loch Ness Monster” List has filled up.
That chick from Comic Con will totally regret rejecting your Friend Request.
The cops are going to find the bodies once the snow thaws.
You can shove that answer right down Ziggy’s throat… You better believe there’s life on Mars… And its wearing cargo shorts!
Earth banter is overrated. Chatting with only nihilistic sociopaths til you die will be hilarious. And they probably hate condoms.