Metal As Fukk Reasons To Get A One-Way Ticket To Mars

IMG_5332 Carbon-based life-forms bring you nothing but heartache. One man’s interstellar suicide is another man’s fukkin pilgrimage…

IMG_5343A thin atmosphere with 96% Carbon Dioxide and only .2% Oxygen means you’re high from the moment you wake up until the moment you go to sleep. Or until your lungs combust.

IMG_5339Without an Ozone to filter UV radiation, you can maintain that stellar tan 24/7. Until your skin turns to E.T. jerky.

IMG_5352No liquid water means energy drinks for breakfast, lunch & dinner.

IMG_5350The trained astronauts are busy.

IMG_5341You’d bring a lot more to a brand new society than you do to The Food Court (in which you currently work).

IMG_5345Happy Hour with ALF.

IMG_5346One on One with Marvin.

IMG_5353The “I Want To Be One Of The First To Bang The Loch Ness Monster” List has filled up.

IMG_5340That chick from Comic Con will totally regret rejecting your Friend Request.

IMG_5344The cops are going to find the bodies once the snow thaws.

IMG_5337 You can shove that answer right down Ziggy’s throat… You better believe there’s life on Mars… And its wearing cargo shorts!

IMG_5333Earth banter is overrated. Chatting with only nihilistic sociopaths til you die will be hilarious. And they probably hate condoms.


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